The nine principles in this page can carry you up the ladder of success in your business and personal life. You can go after the job you want and get it, continue to apply those principles and experience their magic. Or you can take the job you have and improve it. You can take any situation you're in and improve it.
1. Do not criticize, condemn or complain
If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.
When we are tempted to criticize someone, let’s realize that criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. The person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return; or will say: “I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.”
Speak ill of nobody and speak all the good you know of everybody. Any fool can criticize condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self -control to be understanding and forgiving.
CAREER TOOLS
Handling People
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Instead of condemning people try to understand them . Try to figure out why they do what
they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
“To know all is to forgive all”. God himself does not propose to judge man until the end of his days. Why would you?
“A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men”
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation. Emerson said:
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
Stop thinking of your accomplishments, your wants. Try to figure out the other person’s good points. We all crave appreciation and recognition, and strive to get it. But nobody wants flattery. Flattery is so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth. Give honest sincere appreciation. Be “heartly in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime - repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something. If you may want to persuade somebody to do something, before you speak pause and ask yourself: "How can I make the person want to do it?".
"If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."
Looking at the other person's point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he or she will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation. The other person should benefit by implementing what you suggest.
Study the other person's point of view, instead of focusing only on yours. Suggest options that would satisfy his / her needs as well as yours. This will arouse an eager want to your proposal leading to common agreement.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people
Do this and you will be welcome anywhere. If you want to make friends, try put yourself out to doing things for other people - things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness. Greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the phone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased you are to have the person call. Many companies train their telephone operators to great all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm. The caller feels the company is concerned about them. Remember that when you answer the telephone tomorrow. Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyalty to your company.
"A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere."
It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street, both parties benefit. If you want others to like you, if you want to develop friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind: Become genuinely interested in other people.
5. Make a good first impression. "Smile"
Actions speak louder, and a smile says, "I like you, you make me happy. I am glad to see you."
That is why dogs make such a hit . They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them. A baby's smile has the same effect. You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you.
Everyone in the world is seeking happiness - and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions. It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it. For example two people may be in the same place, doing the same thing; both may have about an equal amount of money and prestige - and yet one may be miserable and the other happy. Why? Because of a different mental attitude. Shakespear said:
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Your smile is messenger of good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressure from his bosses, his customers, his teacher or parents or children, a smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless - that there is joy in the world.
6. Remember people’s names
If you don’t do this you are headed for a trouble. Sometimes it is difficult to remember a name., particularly if it is hard to pronounce. Rather than even try to learn it, many people ignore it or call the person by an easy nickname. Most people don’t remember names for the simple reason that they don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for themselves; they are too busy. One of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will is by remembering names and making people feel important - yet how many of us do it? Half the time we are introduced to a stranger, we chat a few minutes and can’t even remember his or her name by the time we say goodbye. People are so proud of their names that they strive to perpetuate them at any cost. Therefore the ability to remember names is one of the first lessons a politician learns. It is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics.
“A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
You should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom you are dealing . . . and nobody else. The name sets the individual part ; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information you are imparting or the request you are making takes on a special importance when you approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as you deal with others.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
Being a good listener is an easy way to become a good conversationalist. On the contrary, if you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don't wait for him to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence. Do you know people like that? Unfortunately there are many and the astonishing part of it is that some of them are prominent.
People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves. So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist be an attentive listener.
"To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments."
Remember that the people you are talking to are much more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in different country which kills a million people. A boil on one's neck interests one more than fourty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation. Be a good listener and when you talk: "Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
8. Give the bad a good name
If you want to improve a person in certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. Shakespeare said “Assume a virtue, if you have it not”. And it might be well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned. If you want to excel in that difficult role of changing the attitude or behavior of others.
“Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.”
9. Avoid arguments. You can’t win an argument
You can’t win an argument because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is wrong. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.
“A man convicted against his will is of the same opinion still.”
If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.
Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. Control your temper and remember that you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
Listen first, give your opponents a chance to talk and let them finish. Look for areas of agreement. Be honest, look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologizing for your mistakes will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness. Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents may be right. Thank your opponents for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
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